Urban Tactics Krav Maga

Andrew during his Orange Belt Test.

I’d just returned from class after a few weeks absence for a variety of reasons, many of which can be summed up by HOLY CRAP THIS CITY WE LIVE IN IS BUG NUTS INSANE and I was smiling on the drive home. In the rain at night, in Vancouver traffic.

As I piloted my ridiculous Midlife Crisis Truck through the barely-visible streets of the cities from Burnaby to the secret location of my Headquarters for Evil Plans, I was again reminded why I do Krav Maga. Fun. It’s fun to do, with people that are fun to do it with. Like sex, only more intimately eye-gougey and slightly less chance of disease.

Yes, the cardio at the start is a pain, especially if you’re old and dinged-up and composed mostly of suet, as I am. What is “suet”, you ask? Suet is a fancy term for lard. Fat. So many chocolates. I REGRET NOTHING. Except during cardio, of course.

Yes, the subject matter is often deadly serious and has a super-practical focus. We are encouraged to take it seriously.

Yes, you may actually need this for real one day and that is scary.

Yes, human sweat is a disgusting fluid and you will be coated in it. If you’re lucky, the other person smells better than you do.  If you’re -unlucky- the other person has a defensive beard-loofah and they laugh at your suffering. Dave.

And yes, traffic does suck and yes, it is a time-eater. Time, that most precious of commodities.

But. But. Krav Maga at UTKM is also fun. It’s interesting, it’s exciting, it’s engaging. Odds are you will laugh during class. Especially if you see me do a combat back-roll. Ever see a Bantha? From Star Wars? Now picture that doing a rear somersault on the ground. Yes.

You get to hit things. Pads. Mats. Jon, if you’re “lucky” and he’s not careful, heh heh heh. Each other! And you get hit, yes, but that too is kind of fun once you realize the other person isn’t trying to destroy you and is, in fact, just as worried about that as you are.

You get to stab people with pretend knives! And shoot pretend guns! You get to learn all sorts of horrible but also interesting tricks to -not- get stabbed by a knife and/or take away that gun.

You get to laugh with your classmates when one of you ends up pinwheeling across the mats wearing a surprised expression from a screwed-up kick or takedown.

You earn that sense of confidence that comes with not freaking out when someone swings their fist at you – and help that person also learn not to freak out. And that, too, is fun.

And you belong to a select crew of people that put the time in to learn these sometimes horribly necessary skills that some very real, very serious people came up with to protect themselves and their loved ones in bad places and times. And that belonging is also a pleasant thing.

So, Urban Tactics Krav Maga is fun. It’s worth doing and it’s worth doing it with people that are having a good time. Kind of like eating cake, if cake was trying to stab you while refusing to let go of the knife. *^^%!%@ murder-teenagers. You know who I’m talking about, Karis.