I was just thinking about when I started the Assistant instructor class at UTKM – was it March? It feels like forever that I’m spending Friday nights at the gym, watching presentations, discussing techniques and try to memorize as much as I can. Not to forget the tests! To become a UTKM instructor you really have to commit yourself. I guess I didn’t really know what to expect but I don’t quit because I want to become an instructor, I like teaching although I have to work on my personal approach – having a Judo background makes me sometimes very strict and I don’t like it when students don’t pay attention or are too chatty. I have to loosen up on that part and be more relaxed.
Having taught my first class on Thursday I really appreciated the students’ support and commitment – Thank you so much! I was nervous because Jon “Eagle Eye” Fader was breathing down my neck and scribbling notes that I still have to read. But knowing that I can count on you guys makes it easier.
Becoming/being an instructor comes with a load of responsibilities – I want students to feel safe and to trust me which means I have still a long way to go learning every tiny little detail of the techniques that we are teaching. The assistant instructor class at UTKM is just the beginning – it shows you the opportunities you have but also the hard work they come with and it is up to us to make the decision whether or not we want to go that way. I personally decided that I want to go that way.
And then there is Jon with his high standards. I fully understand that he wants to make sure that UTKM students get the best training which means that the instructors need to be able to provide that high standard of training. Being a perfectionist and creating a lot of pressure already by myself I sometimes feel like a headless chicken. I don’t want to disappoint or let anyone down. I know that experience comes with time and over time I will learn all these tiny little details but being patient and cutting myself some slack is not my strongest feature.
Interesting enough I also started to reflect about myself – where am I in my life? Am I happy? I have to admit that I had my life planned out differently – you know, same old story – getting married, having a kid, building a house, planting a tree. And here I am, 37, no husband (thank god! Dodged that bullet), no kids. But I am in a good place. I don’t feel I’m missing out on things. At some point, I understood that I like doing Krav, BJJ and Judo and I also like to share my knowledge.
I still think that leaving Germany behind and moving to Vancouver was one of my best ideas ever! And no, I’m not planning on going back. I like where I am and I like the direction my life is going.